so the reason i've been stressing out so much about track is because i pretty much need to get a full ride to college for it. i'm a junior in high school right now and this year is pretty crucial.  luckily though, i made it to finals. which is pretty much where i need to be this year to be in good shape for a scholorship.  all thats left after this coming weekend are Masters and State and i really don't neeeeeed to get there till senior year.

SO STOKE cause now i can focus more on my own calorie burner work outs and less on technique/event training.

i just feel so damn huge and fat all the time. i wish i could be like other girls who eat whatever they want whenever they want and not beat themselves up about it. but thats why we're a different breed.  i know it's a problem but i don't care.  i just want to be skinny. it's really sad, but that's the thing i want most in life. it's like, if i could just be thin everything would be okay. i can't wait till i'm small and fragil.  i used to like being powerful and muscular but now i just want to be light. i want people to look at me and have their first though be whoa she's skinny! not damn, shes built.

july 9th! that's the day my life gets better.
108.

is killing me! i just want it to be over so i won't be exhausted all the time. i'm so ready to get this done, to succeed. alright one more week then everything will get better and easier.